EFFECTIVE LISTENING

"We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking."

Expressing our wants, feelings, thoughts and opinions clearly and effectively is only half of the communication process needed for interpersonal effectiveness. The other half is listening and understanding what others communicate to us. When a person decides to communicate with another person, he/she does so to fulfill a need. The person wants something, feels discomfort, and/or has feelings or thoughts about something. In deciding to communicate, the person selects the method or code which he/she believes will effectively deliver the message to the other person. The code used to send the message can be either verbal or nonverbal. When the other person receives the coded message, they go through the process of decoding or interpreting it into understanding and meaning. Effective communication exists between two people when the receiver interprets and understands the sender’s message in the same way the sender intended it.
People need to practice and acquire skills to be good listeners, because a speaker cannot throw you information in the same manner that a dart player tosses a dart at a passive dartboard. Information is an intangible substance that must be sent by the speaker and received by an active listener.

WHAT IS LISTENING?
Listening is a process of receiving and interpreting the spoken word. It involves recognizing and comprehending the matter, that is, understanding the main and the subsidiary points as well as the links between the different parts of speech. This means that effective listening involves not only recognizing unit boundaries phonologically, but also the recognition of false starts, pauses, hesitations, stress, intonation, and rhythm patterns. While receiving and interpreting the spoken word, the listener is concerned with four factors, that is, sensing, message decoding or interpreting, evaluating and response.
Listening begins with physical hearing of the message and taking note of it. Sensing is, thus, the first step of the listening process. Decoding or interpreting refers to the process of changing the coded message into information. It involves understanding the spoken language.. after the message has been decoded and interpreted, its significance is evaluated and important conclusions are drawn from it. Response is the action or reaction of the listener to the message.. it is the last stage of listening. If the message has been analysed, interpreted and evaluated correctly, the response will be appropriate. The response makes the communication more effective as it clarifies the message and helps the speaker to know whether the message has been understood or not.

WHAT IS THE IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING SKILLS?
Listening skills are probably one of the most important language skills that we need in order to be successful in our academic and professional pursuits. As students, we have to listen to lectures, explanations during tutorials and practical sessions, seminars and workshops, technical presentations, academic discussions, academic interactions, viva voice tests, and so on. Once we join a profession, we may be required to listen to discussions in meetings and conferences, seminars, business presentations, news bulletins, prerecorded talks, telephonic conversations, teleconferences and videoconferences, and so forth. In fact, it is hard to imagine any academic, professional, or business work that doesn’t require efficient listening skills.
Moreover, one needs effective listening skills as it is a state of receptivity that permits understanding of what is heard and grants the listener full partnership in the communication process. One cannot be an effective communicator unless one is an effective listener. In any oral communicative situation, listening is of special significance because oral communication can’t be complete without listening. One’s response in an oral communication situation largely depends on one’s ability to understand and appreciate the speaker’s perspective. A student requires quick, efficient and imaginative listening techniques in order to achieve academic success because his/her academic performance partly depends on the quantity and quality of listening. By listening to classroom lectures, academic discussions in seminars and workshops, and academic speeches, the student acquires the professional knowledge and expertise needed to excel in his/her profession.
The importance of listening also lies in its multipurpose functions. As a purposeful communicative activity, listening serves individual needs and aids in implementing oral communication goals. There are many ways by which decisions are made in an organization: by discussions in meetings and conferences, by negotiations in business dealings, by voting in democratic processes, and so on. In each instance, listening plays an important role as it aids in analyzing a problem, understanding the possible solutions, and making a decision. In brief, listening:
· Makes oral interaction possible;
· Aids in decision-making;
· Stimulates others to act to achieve individual as well as professional objectives;
· Develops information and understanding essential for decision-making in meetings and conferences;
· Leads to unification between the activities of individual as a work team, towards achievement of common business, professional, or organizational goals; and
· Promotes maintenance of professional relations.
Therefore we must Improve our Listening Skills so as to:
· Avoid saying the wrong thing, being tactless
· Dissipate strong feelings
· Learn to accept feelings (yours and others)
· Generate a feeling of caring
· Help people start listening to you
· Increase the other person's confidence in you
· Make the other person feel important and recognized
· Be sure you both are on the same wavelength
· Be sure you both are focused on the same topic
· Check that you are both are on target with one another

LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION
Listening effectively is difficult because people vary in their communication skills and in how clearly they express themselves, and often have different needs, wants and purposes for interacting. The different types of interaction or levels of communication also adds to the difficulty. The four different types or levels are.
· Clichés.
· Facts.
· Thoughts and beliefs.
· Feelings and emotions.
As a listener we attend to the level that we think is most important. Failing to recognize the level most relevant and important to the speaker can lead to a kind of crossed wires where the two people are not on the same wavelength. The purpose of the contact and the nature of our relationship with the person will usually determine what level or levels are appropriate and important for the particular interaction. Note the different requirements in the following situations:
· You’re lost, and you ask a stranger for directions.
· Your child comes to you crying.
· You are in trouble and someone offers to help.
· Your spouse is being affectionate and playful.
· Opposing council is cross-examining you in court.
If we don’t address the appropriate elements we will not be very effective, and can actually make the situation worse. There is a real distinction between merely hearing the words and really listening for the message. When we listen effectively we understand what the person is thinking and/or feeling from the other person’s own perspective. It is as if we were standing in the other person’s shoes, seeing through his/her eyes and listening through the person's ears. Our own viewpoint may be different and we may not necessarily agree with the person, but as we listen, we understand from the other's perspective. To listen effectively, we must be actively involved in the communication process, and not just listening passively.
We all act and respond on the basis of our understanding, and too often there is a misunderstanding that neither of us is aware of. With active listening, if a misunderstanding has occurred, it will be known immediately, and the communication can be clarified before any further misunderstanding occurs.
Several other possible benefits occur with active listening:
· Sometimes a person just needs to be heard and acknowledged before the person is willing to consider an alternative or soften his /her position.
· It is often easier for a person to listen to and consider the other’s position when that person knows the other is listening and considering his/her position.
· It helps people to spot the flaws in their reasoning when they hear it played back without criticism.
· It also helps identify areas of agreement so the areas of disagreement are put in perspective and are diminished rather than magnified.
· Reflecting back what we hear each other say helps give each a chance to become aware of the different levels that are going on below the surface. This helps to bring things into the open where they can be more readily resolved.
· If we listen so we can accurately understand the other’s view, we can be more effective in helping the person see the flaws in his/her position, and also flaws in our own position.
SOURCES OF DIFFICULTY BY THE SPEAKER
· Voice volume too low to be heard.
· Making the message too complex, either by including too many unnecessary details or too many issues.
· Getting lost, forgetting your point or the purpose of the interaction.
· Body language or nonverbal elements contradicting or interfering with the verbal message, such as smiling when anger or hurt is being expressed.
· Paying too much attention to how the other person is taking the message, or how the person might react.
· Using a very unique code or unconventional method for delivering the message.
SOURCES OF DIFFICULTY BY THE LISTENER
· Being preoccupied and not listening.
· Being so interested in what you have to say that you listen mainly to find an opening to get the floor.
· Formulating and listening to your own rebuttal to what the speaker is saying.
· Listening to your own personal beliefs about what is being said.
· Evaluating and making judgments about the speaker or the message.
· Not asking for clarification when you know that you do not understand.

BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING
Physiological Barriers
- Hearing Problems: Hearing deficiencies, auditory-processing difficulties like auditory discrimination, sequencing, memory.
- Rapid Thought: The brain is able to process at 500 wpm, but people speak at 125 wpm, leaving a lot of free time to drift.
Environmental Barriers
- Physical Distractions.
- Problems in the Communication Channel: Face-time is far more accurate than any other type.
- Message Overload: Coping with a deluge of information.
Attitudinal Barriers
- Preoccupation: What else do you have to think about?
- Egocentrism: “My opinion is worth more”; rates lower on the social attractiveness scale; “Nobody ever listened himself out of a job.”
- Fear of Appearing Ignorant.
Faulty Assumptions
- Assuming that Effective Communication is the Sender’s Responsibility: Both speaker and listener share the burden of reaching an understanding.
- Assuming that Listening is Passive: Can be hard work, you may need to ask questions or paraphrase the statements to ensure your understanding.
- Assuming that Talking has more Advantages than Listening: “Big people monopolize the listening, small people monopolize the talking.”
Socio-cultural Differences
- Cultural Differences (a) Accents: The assumption that anyone with an accent is less intelligent, the “noise” of misunderstanding due to accents. (b) Time: The amount of time that is spent listening varies culturally. (c) Silence: The length of silences also varies culturally.
- Gender Differences (a) Women listen for relational subtext, men for content. (b) Women interpret listening noises – “uh huh, mmm”: to signify they are listening, men use them to signify agreement. (c) Men & women listen for different reasons. (d) “All else being equal, women are not as likely to be listened to as men, regardless of how they speak or what they say.”

TEN THUMB RULES FOR GOOD LISTENING
· Stop Talking: Do not talk while listening. One cannot be a speaker and a listener at the same time. The listener should accept his/her role and allow the speaker to talk. He/she should forget about his/her response to the speaker and concentrate on speaker’s words.
· Stop Thinking: It is not enough for the listener to keep his mouth shut while he/she is listening. He/she has to stop thinking too. He/she can’t listen effectively while thinking, and consequently, won’t be able to focus 100 per cent on what the speaker is telling.
· Remove Distractions: In order to focus 100 per cent on the person speaking, the listener should avoid all kinds of distractions, and also not allow others to interrupt.
· Do Not Let Your Mind Wander: One of the main causes of listening inefficiency is the slowness of speech. We can listen faster than the speaker can speak. This lag time may make the listener’s mind wander or daydream. This can be avoided by concentrating on each word spoken by the speaker.
· Put Speaker At Ease: A conducive environment should be provided to the speaker in order to enable him/her to be at ease. If the speaker is not comfortable, he/she will not be able to speak clearly.
· Do not Pre-judge: Give the speaker a chance to complete what he/she has to say. Pre-judgement closes the mind and does not allow you to perceive the speaker impartially. You can make proper judgement only after you have fully comprehended the information.
· Be Patient: The speaker should be allowed sufficient time and not interrupted until he/she takes a pause and invites the listener to do so. Patience is the key to good listening.
· Do not be Angry: The listener should control his/her temper while listening. He/she may not like what the speaker is telling, or may completely disagree with his/her point of view, but good listening demands that he/she listens to him/her calmly without making any fuss.
· Empathise with the Speaker: In order to understand the speaker’s perspective and appreciate his/her point of view, the listener should try to put him/her in the speaker’s position.
· Take Notes: The listener should take notes if he/she wants to keep record of what was said, and wants to use it at a later stage.

LISTENING TIPS
· Usually it is important to paraphrase and use your own words in verbalizing your understanding of the message. Parroting back the words verbatim is annoying and does not ensure accurate understanding of the message.
· Depending on the purpose of the interaction and your understanding of what is relevant, you could reflect back the other persons:
§ Account of the facts.
§ Thoughts and beliefs.
§ Feelings and emotions.
§ Wants, needs or motivation.
§ Hopes and expectations.
· Don’t respond to just the meaning of the words, look for the feelings or intent beyond the words. The dictionary or surface meaning of the words or code used by the sender is not the message.
· Inhibit your impulse to immediately answer questions. The code may be in the form of a question. Sometimes people ask questions when they really want to express themselves and are not open to hearing an answer.
· Know when to quit using active listening. Once you accurately understand the sender’s message, it may be appropriate to respond with your own message. Don’t use active listening to hide and avoid revealing your own position.
· If you are confused and know you do not understand, either tell the person you don’t understand and ask him/her to say it another way, or use your best guess. If you are incorrect, the person will realize it and will likely attempt to correct your misunderstanding.
· Active listening is a very effective first response when the other person is angry, hurt or expressing difficult feelings toward you, especially in relationships that are important to you.
· Use eye contact and listening body language. Avoid looking at your watch or at other people or activities around the room. Face and lean toward the speaker and nod your head, as it is appropriate. Be careful about crossing your arms and appearing closed or critical.
· Be empathic and non-judgmental. You can be accepting and respectful of the person and their feelings and beliefs without invalidating or giving up your own position, or without agreeing with the accuracy and validity of their view.